I am not in Control

June 21, 2018
 

I am a pretty disciplined person.  Not a perfectly disciplined person, but let’s say I have been living with lists since high school.  Even as an art teacher, I was very structured, for example, I would collect every paint palette and paint brush at the end of each hour to make sure they had been cleaned properly.  See, I am a prepper and work my hardest to prevent bad things, I fret over things and am aware of every way they could go wrong.  I have spent valuable moments of my life trying to control the outcome of all things, from a clean paint brush to making sure my kids are happy and comfortable. 

 

Well, guess what, I am not in control.  I never have been...

 

June 14th, changed who I am, I have been guided down a new road.  I am currently on a journey of rediscovery.  I have dropped my robe of control and discipline.  It has not been pretty, but it has been the most enlightening time in my life, and we are only at the beginning.  No need to worry, I will keep the library heading forward with the help of the amazing people that have always been there ready to do whatever it takes.  Things might slow down a little in my office, you might come by and see me shelving or maybe I won’t be here at all, but trust that everything will be alright.  I ask that you will keep me in your thoughts and prayers. 

 

Waiting to Fight

June 28, 2018

My journey continues.  June 14th brought an ugly CT Scan, June 22nd brought an ugly biopsy, and June 25th brought an ugly MRI.  June 27th, I received a call from my doctor, all that ugly is real.  I have Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma (Diffuse Large B Cell with germinal center subtype).  It has been a long couple of weeks; a few panic attacks, a few tears (that is a lie, a lot of tears), a few doses of Klonopin, and nagging anxiety and fear that was honestly a waste of my time, but the worst part was the waiting...

  

 

The waiting has been taxing and I am just tired of it, I am ready to fight.  I have been in a holding pattern, in my personal life and at work.  I am tired of it.  I have been waiting to fight and it is time... Let’s do this!

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TO BE CONTINUED...